Tuesday, April 28, 2009

If I were going to go crazy,

If I were going to go crazy, I think a fun thing to do would be this;
This requires having children.
I would find a mommy blogger with kids roughly the same age and gender and read their blog religiously. I think it would be better to start in the archives for this anyway.
Then, having internalized all the information, live out their life completely as my own.

I mean, not really. Just tell everyone that I was.

Following me? Yeah, probably not.
I mean- When I call my parents to report on the status of my own children, tell them what is going on in blogger world. "Child A said the cutest thing, _____." "Child B still isn't sleeping very well..."
This also applies to status of marriage (or dating, or singletude, whatever) house remodels, possibly even work related stuff.
Right now I'm reading Mir, http://wouldashoulda.com, and for her I'd also tell anyone I was talking to about the great clearance items I've picked up, maybe even medical procedures I didn't actually have.
Completely false life based on someone elses.
Hell, I wouldn't even need kids. Not if the people I was talking to were distant enough.
I think it would be a cool performance art piece too. In fact, it could start out as performance art, and be so strange and unsettling that it turns me crazy and I do it for real.
Probably the best way to work it.

Thursday, April 16, 2009


Have I ever been terrified of sending an IM message before? I don't think so... There's a certain someone on my buddy list who I have a little crush on and I do get butterflies sometimes when I really want to say hello, but I really don't have an excuse for the contact, you know? That rush of "aack! What will he think?" when I press the send key? Sometimes by accident, because I've decided not to but it's habit?
That is not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about terrified. Genuinely scared. "What will I say?" That's a viable question to worry about, I guess. It is not the question I am asking. I already know how to start the situation. I'm going to start it with "Hey"
In fact, here's the first few lines.
Me :Hey
(10 seconds)
You: Hey.
(See the period there? I left it openended. You made it final. Nice, jerk.)
Me: So... How are you?
(I'm giving in. Like I gave in by messaging you first. I am a failure.)
You: Fine
(Jerk. Asshole.)
(20 seconds. I'm not accepting that shit from you, my ... friend)
You: -Begin to fill the silence. -
And that's as far as I've got because to be perfectly honest, I have no idea how this guy is. I know that his answer probably won't give me any explicit details, but other than that I have no guess.
And so I sit here, warring with myself. Mousing over the side of my screen so that by buddy list comes out. Wanting to see him on it. Definitely feeling better when I don't see him there. I did say he could make the first move, but we all know I'm probably not anywhere near strong enough for that.